What to do if that boy or girl doesn‘t love you back…
Nobody likes to get hurt.
You try to stay safe. Tell yourself you are just friends. He is not so perfect. You can handle this – you are not head over heels in love. You are doing just fine…
But you can‘t help it. You need more of it. Then you can‘t get him off your mind. You check the messages social media, talk about him often…
Until you realize it‘s unrequited. He means it, you see it, you hear it from a friend, whatever.
And then the whole world starts crumbling down. You are in pain. You‘d just stay in your room until forever, there is no reason to go out… And it lasts. It just doesn‘t go away.
And life goes on as if nothing had happened.
How do you get over that?
Let yourself be sad
Everybody gets hurt and feels sad. Sadness is a normal feeling that comes and goes. If you try to hide your unhappiness, it will stay with you longer.
Every time you feel sad, write down your thoughts in your diary. Or talk to someone you trust.
Your sadness is OK, it will get easier over time.
Don‘t take it personally
You love someone, that person doesn‘t love you back. It happens to everyone. It doesn‘t mean you are not good enough.
People are in love with someone for many different reasons. Very often these reasons are not very smart:
Maybe you want to have your first kiss, so you choose a candidate to do it with. Sometimes you want to be popular, so you choose to like someone who is well-liked. Or that person makes you laugh, so you think your life would be funnier with them. Or he makes you feel awkward, so you keep thinking about him until you realize you are always thinking about him!
“Oftentimes, we want to be in a relationship because we don’t value ourselves. Therefore, we look for a relationship because we don’t want to be alone and we’re looking for validation. Or we don’t want to deal with our own issues, so we distract ourselves by having someone else.“
So, if you think that person is meant for you, think again. You don‘t know what someone is really like unless you live with them. It‘s all in your head.
Maybe he can‘t love you for some hidden reason. Or he can‘t love anyone because it‘s bad timing. Maybe he doesn‘t want to be in love. Who knows?
But you shouldn‘t think too much about it since you can‘t do anything to change it.
So, what do you do then?
Get away from that person
You need to spend some time apart from him because you are hurting. Seeing him will only delay your healing.
If that makes you feel better, don’t be afraid to choose not to see him.
Think about it
The person you were in love with wasn‘t that perfect. It‘s just your brain that couldn‘t see it. He really has flaws. Maybe you should try and write them down. Read them. You see? Not that perfect.
Now that you know he doesn‘t love you back, you are richer for a new valuable experience. We learn much more from defeats than we do from successes.
Maybe you will be able to stay friends with him and appreciate it over time.
Think about what you can learn about yourself from this. What does it mean? Has unrequited love already happened to you before?
Maybe there are some bad patterns that make you choose wrong people to fall in love with. Think about them, so they don‘t happen again and again.
Write down your strengths
You have something not everybody has. You have good qualities you should be proud of. Cherish them.
There is no other person like you in this world. And you deserve better treatment from someone who will love you back for who you are.
Every day try to do something that makes you feel good
Write a diary. Dance to the music. Play some sport. Go see friends. Try a new hobby. Paint. Read.
Eat regular meals, have regular sleep, stay active.
Every day you need to do something that makes you forget what time it is. Something you will enjoy doing. These feelings are food for your brain to feel better.
Make some plans
What am I going to do with my life?
Think about what would be nice to achieve. What are your goals? Do you want to try something new and exciting? A new hobby? Create something? Travel somewhere?
Think about how to get to the big goal. Cut it into little pieces and try to do one piece at a time.
Spend some time every day daydreaming about it. And spend some time every day doing something about it. Be happy for each little piece you have achieved because you are coming close to the big goal.
Get outside of your comfort zone
Try to do something new – something a bit scary. Go to new places and meet new people.
Life can be exciting and fun if you look for new experiences.
Ask yourself what you learned about it in the end
We always learn something from the things that happened to us, especially from experiences that made us feel bad.
- What lesson have I learned from this?
- How am I smarter because of this?
- What have I learned about myself?
- What kind of love do I choose?
- What kind of people do I fall in love with?
- Is it good for me?
You don‘t need anyone to make you feel complete or happier. Happiness lies in what you do. In how you spend your time. And who you spend it with. Happiness really lies within you. And when you stop looking for it, you have a better chance to reach it.
So, what does someone do with unrequited love?
If he rejected you and you are hurting, it means you should be thankful for that experience. Although it hurts now, it will really make you wiser tomorrow. You will become a better version of yourself.
If you liked the article, check the one about life lessons for children and teenagers – here.